So I'm sitting in the dressing room trying to psych myself up for the Final and I'm feeling dire. We have been genuinely very nervous before each match and I will never ever be able to hear the theme tune to University Challenge again without my stomach turning over. The others are still in the dining area - we've got used to eating at extraordinary times in this show. At 4.30 we tried obligingly, but unsuccessfully to show interest in the usual cauldron of casseroley-thing. Maybe later.

I've come in here to get away from a certain unsuccessful team who are trying to spook us. I find this tactic disgustingly unsporting, but it tells you how disappointed about failing on the show some colleges become. I know they won't upset my team-mate Mike Austin.
He's been Mike the Mentor throughout the series, comparing our form with others, never ever losing faith that we would keep on winning because to him it was so obvious that we would. "He's the Sage amongst you", someone from Edinburgh said good-humouredly after we had beaten them in the quarter finals 275-205. Neil Best won't be ruffled either.
When we had scored only 20 points during the first round against Cardiff, all we were praying for was that we would finish with more than last year's 40. Neil kept seeing the headline "Neil's Worst". We beat them 245 - 195, and after that he gave us our mantra -"We'll Piss On Their Chips!", repeated whenever necessary.

The essence of our success so far has been, first, our comradeship - four of us originally with absolutely nothing in common except we were the Birkbeck Team, we liked gin and we could get through six bottles of champagne after collecting our second round Cambridge Scalp - Robinson College (215-175). Then, Captain Mark Conway's endless enthusiasm always lifts us (and his lucky socks!).
His home town has separate "fan clubs" for each of us. Also, we never, ever give up, if we're trailing, as we have seen our opponents do, and there are never recriminations between us for an incorrect answer - also a weakness of some other teams. We ignore the questions we get wrong and just move on. Me, I'm the Queen of Interruption.
Before each game I hope that I don't let the team down with too many 5 point penalties, yet you do have to be prepared to take risks. We let "Thomas Aquinas" go to Robinson because we thought the answer was too obvious. Result? Much stick from "friends" for missing it. And incidentally, appearing on the show really does bring out the You-Think-You're-So-Clever in some people. It's easy to succeed on University Challenge while sitting in comfy armchairs with a glass of wine, minus hot studio lights, no live audience, no enduring the strain of the tenth technical stoppage with only five seconds to go and no Quizmaster Paxman.
("He's a Pussycat" is the official Granada line - well, he is, but cats don't suffer fools gladly).
Someone sneered at me recently, "I was shocked that you didn't get that picture-round starter sooner!" Ah, but
You The Viewer At Home (YTVAH) and the studio audience see the pictures about four seconds before we do. It's one thing to get the music starter after a nano-second of sound, as we did with "Cleo Laine" - that's smart, but a picture starter before YTVAH has a chance is just bad television.

While I'm sitting here I remember all the great people we have met. The whole production team have been pro-Birkbeck from the onset because last year's team did so badly when, on paper, they were the cleverest team they'd ever seen. Everyone we have met has paid tribute to them. We were better prepared and had more opportunity to interact as a unit, thanks to the coaching we had from Julian Eaton in Crystallography and the buzzers set up by Mike Fenn, now continuing his Physics Doctorate at Oxford. The Granada team tell us we are their favourite team because we go to make-up and eat when we are told, are always on time and co-operate generally. It is astonishing that some other students behave like spoilt wannabees when everyone here is so patient and professional. Even Ted, the warm-up man, soothed us so often with his ridiculous, natural humour. We met him just after we had beaten Nottingham 240-205 and thanked him for helping us so much. He didn't know what to say - he'd just been doing his job.

So I'm sitting here trying to Think Clever, but also thinking that we have got to the final of University Challenge 1997/8 and no matter what, we have shown that Birkbeck isn't full of Berks. We are representing not just Birkbeck but the University of London too. Out of over 250 possible teams we reached the last 24 for just the first round - no mean achievement in itself for part-time mature students who have many more distractions in their lives than the Pursuit of Knowledge. We have met some interesting young and not so young, pleasant and downright unpleasant opponents (the Magdalen team are great, by the way). We've had an insight into the Glittering World Of Television which is hard work for everyone especially Paxman, who is a supreme professional. We hope we have left the Granada team with a feeling that we are clever, sensible people with whom they could work in the future. We've loved every minute of it and will come back with many amusing stories. It's been like going to the moon - something astronauts will probably only do once in a lifetime but it changes their lives forever. So I'm going to get ready to do the business, support my mates if things get too rough out there and generally kick ass.
Next year, it's YOUR turn!

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